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For some reason, after reading this hatemail, I had a sudden urge to sit on the toilet. How many times can you mention feces in two paragraphs? Well you certainly hit the record on that one, I'm not sure what this obsession with steaming brown waste is, all I'm going to say is I've heard of a lot of fetishes in my day and I'm not interested in yours. Sigh, once again, I love how you used all resources available to you at the time. Despite that I constantly make myself the butt end of jokes in my own comics and that there's an entire site full of evidence (or at least, should be the case for the writing a hatemail) you only touched on my hatemail responses. Fucking genius, now I think I'll go cry because you insulted my insults which insulted insults. Is there any weaker argument you could give? You're basically pointing a finger and screaming "BIG FAT STUPID HEAD" right before your elementary school comes in to ask whats wrong. Lets look at the context of an email. There is a disgruntled failure who has visited my site countless times, sent in emails and signed my guestbook without any sense of self respect. The first time you send a hatemail, that's great. the second time, go get a life. Then, when you attempt to bring me down through wonderfully thorough insults, and bring in your friends once you realize you're loosing the battle, do I have to say anything? Talking to you is only bringing down my own image, but since this is the only hatemail I've gotten in months, I think I'll be nice and talk back. The person who send this hitman (great job, you choose a real winner) was none other than the writer of the hatemail below, and sent me this email: I had one of my friends (who
is a psychologist) look over your response to my e-mails. SHE thinks I'm retarded? Well HER name is James, good job you fucking idiot. That was by far the dumbest thing anybody has ever done with me as a witness, and I've witnessed people run full speed into poles. And look here, SHE is a psychologist. A psychologist with a degree, yet they have a hotmail account named frozenzeus and makes references to feces more times than one can blink in a minute. Science is based on EVIDENCE, and ladies and gentlemen, if EVIDENCE were any clearer it would be invisible. You want a coherent sentence? Get a fucking life. Honestly, don't try to argue with me, because you're only fooling yourself. Don't take this offensively, but I think it's time both of you looked at yourselves. Thousands of people now laugh at you. You're welcome. I will no longer accept emails from either of you, because there's nothing you can do to redeem yourselves. Good luck in your career of bitching to people who don't care, because I'm through with the publicity I've given you.
Its been a while, so lets get to business. Thankfully people like Joshy boy here have the time to read all my site content, review it, and for some reason think I'll take it down because they told me to. Right off the bat, I am called unoriginal. I'm sorry, that really insults me coming from somebody named "Josh Masters". God forbid the almighty Josh calls me unoriginal, despite how my logo is a zombie hamburger. Since I'm SO afraid of conformity, I think I'll take down all my content and put up a bunch of flying colors to satisfy your need to be different in society. Oh but wait, I'm not talented either? Shit! I thought my 5 minute drawings in paint were the pinnacle of western civilization! The funny thing is, I never remember saying I was either original or talented, so where'd you get these ideas from? First impression? You're also right on the dot with the whole Maddox thing, uh huh. I went to his site and thought to myself "This guy makes excellent comics and flash movies! I wanna be just like him!" and that is where I stand today. Naturally, if any two things on the web slightly resemble one another, despite the fact there are millions of webpages, the only explanation is that somebody stole something. The word "coincidence" is a lie. Don't believe your English teacher if they tell you otherwise. Also, it seems as though I'm not smart or witty. I'm going to take the republican approach to this and say what the fuck do you have to back yourself up? That fact alone that you even sent a hatemail to somebody who is oh so unintelligent should automatically put you on that same level. Do you make fun of retarded kids? Do you laugh when you outrun old ladies? Perhaps you just like sending hatemail to make yourself feel big and strong, after you get pick pocketed by a five year old and your girlfriend calls you a pussy. And well, you got one thing right. I have looked at myself plenty of times, and after I bask in my glory, I must agree that I shouldn't be talking down to the lesser half, because they don't deserve to be talked to. Do you see where I'm going with this? Final tip of advice. If you're an aussie, or auzzie or whatever the fuck you people call yourselves, don't even make contact with the states. People will just blissly insult you with stereotypes they got from watching the crocodile hunter, mate. Next day:
As much as I love responding to people who are overly obsessed with attempting to make the same point twice, its getting a bit old. Yet, nonetheless, I will continue to satisfy the arousing sensation you must feel by establishing contact. I'm glad you decided to add examples this time around, because the last email sounded more like a socially disturbed child who somehow got his hands on a keyboard and overcomes his problems by whining to others and attempting to demean them. Little did I know that it was all part of a new criticizing strategy in which the attacker unleashes random ideas, and once responded to, suddenly unleashes out of context examples. I'll remember this strategy when I take over certain unsuspecting countries and try to assure them that its for their own good, which is after all, the American way. As far as the apologies go, I'm not sure I can accept them. The horror I felt at first glance of your name threw me into a rage of pain an agony, and quite frankly the trauma I experienced cannot by matched by words of apology. Ah yes, alas, it is my Avril Lavigne page that you so willingly visit first. It doesn't matter why you clicked there, either out of fan ship or hatred, both are pretty lame, since I wrote that over a year ago back when she was actually somebody you would see on TV. Even if one were to hate her to this very day with a passion, I would still consider them to be just as horrible as somebody who liked her. As we all know, Avril was raped both realistically and metaphorically somewhere down the line of her career, and quite frankly, nobody really gives a shit anymore. Have you missed the boat? But of course, that's not the point... There is indeed a pirate drawn in the picture (behold the MS paint skills of my former self), but instead of finding this work of art which rivals that of renaissance artists sexually stimulating, you have besmirched it's glory, and for what? God smite me! I have forgotten that the term "pirate" has been copyrighted by Maddox, your savior! Naturally, I should have used something more appropriate for the job, such as a CLOWN, or a SCHOOLBOY, surely they would fit the context of random massacre more suitably than a pirate. But yet, where HAVE you seen a pirate before? For one thing, you live in a country surrounded by water in a little placed called Oceania, a breeding ground for pirates. Maybe you were walking down the street, chest puffed and thinking of how great you were for sending me "that hatemail", when some pirates gave you a wedgie. Therefore, because of past experience, any pirates (save your glorious leader) are automatically horrible vicious beings. Allow me to tell you something. The pirate community has been struggling to adapt in these changing times. A pirate can no longer walk down the street with his parrot, steal a purse, and get away with it. People such as yourself have been discriminating against this struggling kind, as you try to smite them with such nonsense. Well let me tell you, in a world where bloodshed is wrongly considered bad, pirate kind has no need for your oppression. You heartless bastard. Allow me to make a small point. The first traces of this website go back to about 1997 or earlier, hence the slogan "getting plagiarized since 1997". Each time the site was remade, it became better and more wonderful, and on 12/03/02, this would mark the official birth and dubbing of "Evil Burger". Basically, I've been around for a long time, and I'll be damned if I stole anything out of the world of 1997. Honestly, I had no idea how I was supposed to feel by the end of this email. I was complimented for my undoubtedly wonderful artwork, and then flat out, "You are a fool". I don't think you have a right to say "Ouch man. I feel stupid now", because if I were make a sarcastic remark against a four worded insult (The ONLY insult, I might add) my sarcasm would be much more worthy. Not only has the word fool been dead since the days of Shakespeare, there is once again, no evidence of your statement. By the laws of the scientific community, I label your argument as invalid, and consequently, anything else you have said is unworthy. Behold my greatness, I dub thee pwnz0rd.
Its that time again... time to deal with the lesser half of humanity. First off, I have heard some poseur screen names in my day. For example, anybody who has the word "sk8" in their email address is the very definition of poseur and do not deserve to live. However, the screen name "Youngbloodz" takes the cake. I don't even know if this is worth making fun of. Trying to be a gangster is a sad, sad sight. However, when you own a computer and know the names of game companies, game over. Yeah, real gangster like. Now shut the hell up. Its always great to start up a hatemail with a compliment. Let me tell you, the most damaging thing you can ever tell somebody is how popular they are. Oh yeah, smooth move dipshit. And lay off the damn periods. Thanks for being so specific on why you thought I should have been taken down. You gave me some true constructive criticism. Wait... wait... oh, nevermind. Tell me this, who the fuck would take me down? I own myself, so who the fuck would take this off? Is there some kind of internet police I'm not aware of? Actually, I think a more probable situation is you're spitting out shit and you have no idea what you're talking about. I'm a loser for making comics? Let's see, it takes about five seconds to whip up a comic and I do it once a week. If that's what you call sitting in front of a computer all day, then you're not worth talking to. And the thing is, I get thousands of fans from doing this, all of which will be your enemies once they read this hatemail. So let me get this straight, you hate comics? Congratulations, you just made the biggest non-sarcastic generalization I've ever heard. Saying you don't like comics is like saying you don't like TV or you don't like Music. What are some other things you don't enjoy, food? You don't even have to tell me you don't enjoy women, because that's already obvious. "what's stealing a game idea?" Well I have no idea why you'd ask me this, but stealing a game idea is when somebody creates something that obviously resembles a game and claiming it as original. Not like BASING something on a game, like a HALO COMIC. Jesus Christ, I swear I have to explain this crap to the dumbest people. Let's just keep going sentence by sentence, because each one is packed with stupidity. Alright, God forbid I get slapped with big lawsuit. I mean. I can understand what getting slapped with A big lawsuit might be like, but it's much more terrible when you forget to put the simplest word in the English language in front of it. Once again, thanks for being so specific on what in God's name somebody could sue me for. "Bugie
is gonna sue your lifeless ass and that means no more Nice closing threat. Reporting me to Bungie? Gee, I sure hope they don't SUPPORT ME and get me MORE HITS which they've done with every other Halo fan project. If you're going to send me a hatemail, make sure you have half a brain and some testicles before you do. Otherwise, you're as hopeless as this guy.
Alright, just for the sake of irony,
I'm going to respond in the exact same way this dumbshit responded to me
responding to eminem's bullshit. "Wow, another celebrity hate site lol, see now thats more - Celebrity hate site huh? For your information, there are only two so called "celebrities" I make fun of on this website, and those would be Eminem and Avril. That's two pages out of about 500 others. Now, I'm not sure when less than 1% of celebrity hate was about the actual celebrity. Let me tell you something. This isn't a celebrity hate site, this is a dumbass hate site. I hate on all dumbasses including Eminem, and since I'm hating on you, what does that say? "his fucking name is rabbit in 8 mile movie" - There's a little thing we hold dear in the English language, and those are called ARTICLES. The two words "a" and "the" are very important to us English speakers. LEARN TO USE THEM. Alright, next, whoever spent money to watch the 8th mile is a FUCKING IDIOT. Hell, even if you saw it for free you deserve to be SHOT. You want to watch morons rhyming? Go to 1st grade, I think rhyming is part of the curriculum there. "Well now, this is a very dumbass arguement." - Last time I checked, dumbass wasn't a word that describes things other than people. Now, if I called you a dumbass, that would make much more sense. "you increase his popularity by spreading controversy about him" - There's a difference between saying somebody is controversial and saying somebody is a FUCKING MORON. Eminem can't be controversial if he CAN'T MAKE SENSE to begin with. "Now people like you are dangerous you 'think' your smart." - I can't even tell what the hell this sentence is trying to say. Missing a couple words in there, I see. For the "think your smart" part, are you trying to say you're smarter than I am? In that case, learn how to spell "you're" first, smartass. "Those?" - Don't even start with me on spelling and grammar, you missed about 20 apostrophes. "I just want to check back and make sure you put it up on the rants section" - Do you even know what a fan is? I have thousands, so I could explain it to you if you'd like. "Reefa" - What exactly were you trying to accomplish by leaving your name? It's only one more thing to make fun of. However, the name "Reefa" speaks for itself. I think the name ksjfdlkjsd lkjsdkljsdfklj is actually a little less embarrassing.
From : WhatisNGO@aol.com Subject : This email is pretty anonymous (and pointless) YOUR WRITINGS ARE GODLY LIKE Don't ask me why this is hatemail. Because I said so, that's why. Its nice to know SOMEBODY can recognize fine art. This guy made it into "top 10 things that don't suck"
From: "Nic" To :
Blah_i_eat_u@hotmail.com
Date :
Fri, 03 Jan 2003 00:34:29 -0500
you made all sorts of fucking spelling errors, you fucking dumbass, and james bond kicks ass, and
I am fucking bored, and this fucking sucks, this is the webpage you fucked up on, http://www.angelfire.com/apes/evilburger/DieAnotherDay.html
you fucked up Korean monkey fucking hippy
Yeah, another person I know, but don't think I'll go easy on you. I thought this email was very amusing, especially how I got criticized for writing mechanics yet this email included no periods or capitalizations. Furthermore, that James Bond page was a POSITIVE review, so either you suffer from brain damage, you want to go out with that actress (which you don't) or you're just in a strange mood. Perhaps you are
jealous that MY website totally 0wnz yours? Oh yeah, and by the way, adding the word "fuck" as every adjective doesn't make you sound any tougher. Try again, sport.
Let me tell you right now, it took me ten minutes to decipher this email to English. Please, people, don't send me emails that are 74 words long if you're just going to make it two sentences. I almost gave up on this one, ladies and gentlemen. If I were to hand in a composition and it were two sentences long, the best possible grade due to a miracle would be "D" for Dumbass. Also, I was confused by this whole 'dumass' word. I could only assume you were TRYING to type dumas, which was a Russian national parliament during czarist times. The word 'ur' was also quite out of place. A 'ur' was a very large, powerful, and savage extinct bovine animal which existed in ancient Europe. I don't believe I had any facts about these animals whatsoever on my website, therefore I can't get any facts straight on them. Have you been smoking? Finally, the word geez also confused me. I figured out that geez was actually the language of the ancient Ethiopians. Fascinating! Furthermore, I am aware root beer and burgers are not the food of the gods. They are the food and BEVERAGE of the Gods. Unless root beer has been reclassified as a solid substance, I am aware it is not food. By the way, chicken is highly cliché. Lastly, If you're going to make the title of your email that dramatic, learn how to spell 'of', for God's sake.
First of all, I took this email VERY seriously. I mean, I was REALLY going to take down my whole god damn website because one jackass told me to. What the fuck was he thinking? That I'd put all this to waste because he said so? Listen tough guy: Wait, correction: Listen guy, there are two things you need to learn to do in order to realize your place in life. Ready? Here they are: 1) Sit down. And 2) Shutup. You don't have power over anybody. You're a weak drone. Realize this and shut the fuck up. You think you're so great just because you've masturbated a couple times? I bet you think you're king of the world, telling people what to do. The army can fix that. www.goarmy.com . Go there, enlist, and grow a pair. You'll find the only thing you deserve is to be kicked in the stomach. Now, why would anybody send me such a hatemail? The answer is simple. All evidence points to the fact that this guy is a pussy. Reading one of my rants sets a guy off like this. Well, a she-guy at most. Obviously, this wuss can't take a blow. He sees something he doesn't like and what does he do? Cry, bitch and moan. Those three words pretty much sum up his whole email too. Furthermore, what kind of dork uses a name from Dragon ball Z? Most people who have names from the show are under the age of 13. Wait about 10 years before you think you have an opinion. If this guy is over 13, then GET A FUCKING LIFE. You watch DBZ and enjoy it, and then you criticize people? Why can't I see that working? DBZ is fucking shallow and so is it's audience. Lose your damn dork life and pull your head out of your ass. Lets see, "makin" an ass out of myself and friends? I think somebody read my comics. I'd like to take this time to REPEAT that the Anti-social squad is ONLY for a specific audience, which YOU are not a part of. In a nutshell, there's an inside joke, and you're on the outside. Fuck off. Ah yes, waste of time you say? It's not my god damned fault you read everything you did. If you don't like something, STOP READING IT. IT'S THAT FUCKING SIMPLE. Am I going too fast for you? Lastly, I definitely see where he's going with the getting sued and sentenced to life. Actually, no. However, I do see prison as a much more suitable place for you, primarily the part about getting ass raped. My only question is: Would you be the one giving or receiving it? I think both. I mean, this guy really spoke to me. He pretty much said to me "if you write something smart, stupid people will get angry".
Ah yes, a man of few words. Primarily because of the lack of brain capacity to create any more, obviously. It's okay, there are plenty of people who share your disability. Your imaginary friend, for example, lacks second grade writing skills. Hell, even my wang is over five times longer than this email. I also LOVED the reasons behind why I suck. I mean, the examples were horrifyingly dead aim. *Cough*. Now, lets see... I "SUCK MAJOR ASS"? Hold on, I can't seem to grasp this concept. My mouth can only extend to a certain point. Now, in order to suck something, the object being sucked must have a smaller diameter than your mouth. Allow me to prove this through example, for those of you struggling with me. If you were to attempt at sucking a piano, you'd see it is not physically possible to do. This is because a piano is BIGGER than a mouth. Similarly, so is an ASS. Now, I mean, we're not even talking normal sized ass. We're talking MAJOR ass. In conclusion, this is mathematically impossible to suck an ass. Oh, and thanks for clarifying that this was indeed hatemail. I was very confused when reading this email, all I could think was "Does he love me or hate me?" I mean, I really can't tell! Thank GOD you told me kind of email this was, I mean, it's not like it was PREVIOUSLY IMPLIED this was hatemail by the words 'I' and 'Hate' and 'You'. I couldn't help but notice there were two letters that were not written in caps lock. Of course, the A and the R. What kind of an IDIOT do you need to be to make this mistake? You press the caps lock, and then you do NOTHING. Are you incapable of doing NOTHING? Is it that fucking difficult? Jesus, I need a coffee. Hell, don't even get me started on the screen name. I was almost embarrassed to have it as a Hatemail. |
